So I’ve been really bad about blogging this year.  That’s all I got.  Moving along…

My mom is down for the weekend.  Because my parents, yes, my parents went to an Eagles concert.  Yep.  I went to bed last night before my parents even got home.  Anyway, rewind to Friday.  Mom and I met to go to the children’s museum and pick up a few library books for me at the library across the street.  I had an armful of books, Caleb was heading for the door in front of me and Mom was behind me.  Caleb ran right up to the sliding doors, however he went to the one that doesn’t actually slide.  He put his hands on it thinking it was a door that you push open.  About that time, along comes the sliding door and it caught four of his little fingers in between the doors!  The door kept sliding and drug him along.  As you can imagine, the very back corners of the city block sized library probably heard the wail.  I had to pull his fingers out.  It didn’t break the skin or anything, but I’m sure it hurt.  I piled the books into my mom’s arms and picked him up and took him in between the two sets of sliding doors (you know how department stores have an inner and outer set of doors with the in between area ).  My mom was shocked…the only library employee that came to check on him was a security guard.  And he was standing way across the huge entrance area talking with another employee.  In other words the checkout desk and information desk was much closer.  He asked if everything was okay and if he could get any ice or anything.  Another older man (grandpa age) must have been behind us in line checking out asked Caleb if he needed some money for the gumball machine to help him feel better.  He was sweet enough to offer up two quarters.

My mom said she was telling her friend about it over the phone and her friend said employees are trained not to acknowledge things like that to avoid opening themselves up to a lawsuit or having a situation where something happens, they acknowledge the problem, then it happens to someone else because the problem was ignored.  How sad that we live in such a sue happy world that employees cannot acknowledge a child’s fingers getting mashed in the door.  It was just an accident.

Luckily, by the time we crossed the street and dropped the books off at the car, Caleb forgot all about his hand on the way up the steps to the children’s museum.

In other news, we are still house hunting which is very discouraging, as we are under time and money constraints.  I have been reading a lot.  I’ve been trying to take a few minutes every day for myself.  Who would have thought that you could use those few minutes of “mommy time” to read parenting books, yet still feel rewarded and refreshed, and as a bonus, a better, more patient parent, having learned techiniques from the book as well as gained reassurance in seeing many of the techniques are things you already use.  One of the books I ordered with my Target giftcard is Kid Cooperation: How to stop yelling, nagging & pleading and get kids to cooperate by Elizabeth Pantley.  This is not the first book of hers I’ve read, and each subsequent book, I seem to like her more and more.  Two of the books I ordered were written by her actually, and one of the books in above mentioned stack of library books was written by her as well.  I’ve been reading this book like it was a thriller novel every spare moment I have.

With the new year, I have really tried to step back and look at a lot of things.  I have been in a rut, going through every day frustrated and tremendously short on patience.  The stress of the last six months has definitely taken a toll.  Between the job situation, the car blowing up, the house scenario, everything seemed totally out of my control, including my own child.  I didn’t feel like we were on the same page, connecting like we should be.  I don’t know, it is hard to describe.  I just felt like we were in an endless set of days that were going nowhere.

I made a conscious decision last week.  I am taking all of this out on him.  He’s feeding off my stress.  He’s acting out because I’m constantly frustrated with him and I’m constantly frustrated because he’s acting out.  I stopped yelling.  I stopped nagging.  I stopped whining back at him (“Will you pleeeease let me finish doing this <insert selfish task here>”).  I played games with him without thinking about how quickly I could get the game over with.  I read book after book without counting the total.  I snuggled with him, tickled him after naps, took him outside to ride his tractor around the median 72 times, and played trains with him.  He helped me make dinner.  He stayed in his pajamas til lunchtime stepping on fondant (which sticks quite well to the no skid footies on pajamas) and covering himself with powdered sugar while we worked on Herbie.

I’m embarrassed and sad to say it, but I felt like he was so relieved.  Like he was thinking “I have my mom back, she’s not being so mean anymore.”  He has been clingy, lots of hugs and kisses and I love yous (there was no shortage before, but now he is showering me with loveys), he wants to sit closer to me at the table, he wants to hold my hand, as a somewhat negative consequence, he’s waking up every night and getting in bed with me, even though the mattresses are pushed together in one bedroom right now, he still thinks of them as separate beds, thus he must crawl across my ridiculously long hair and get on the other side of me.  But not before giving me kisses on the cheek in the middle of the night.  I’ve seen manners that I’ve been begging and fussing for him to use suddenly become standard in conversation, not only with other adults, but with me also.  If he needs my attention while I’m on the phone, he says “Excuse me.”  Many times I say “Yes what is it?” and he replies “I love you.”  He just wanted to tell me.

So rather than beating myself up over the last several months of building frustration, I’m simply going to blog it and bury it.  And if I begin feeling that way again, I will remind myself to come back and read this blog.  Kids pick up on so much more than we think.  They are so emotional, even if they show it in different ways than we do.  One of the best points I feel the above mentioned book has made for me… Just because kids are just that, a child, a three year old, a ten year old, a seventeen year old, just because they are a child and we are the parents, doesn’t mean they aren’t due a level of common courtesy and respect.  Do you find yourself nearly tripping over your toddler for the 14th time today?  I know I’m guilty of this, I just blurt out “Move!”  But would you do the same thing to a stranger or another adult?  No you’d probably say “Excuse me.”  Little things like that are so easy to forget when you’re going through the motions day after day with those closest to you, not to mention under foot.  But go ahead and say “Excuse me” for the 14th time, and even the 15th, or the 22nd, because you’ll probably hear the same manners in return next time your little person needs to get by you.

Comments

2 Responses to “what are the odds?”

    Julie
    January 19th, 2009 7:33 am

    What a great post. I happy to hear that you are working things out and that things are looking up for the two of you. (Not that I knew there was a problem!) A book that helped me was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It is actually intended for couples, but I loved learning how the love languages and realized that Daniel’s love language is Quality Time. I was doing everything else and what he wanted most but couldn’t tell me was quality time. That changed how I did things around here and I’ve seen how he grows and thrives when I give that to him!

    Have a great week!

    Val
    January 20th, 2009 1:31 pm

    Oh, how I know. I have caught myself just saying “Move”.
    I feel awful that I have talked to my family that way.

    We have taken a new route also with the kids. To not yell. Actually, to whisper. Its amazing how well they respond when they have to really listen to hear what you are saying.
    I’m not saying we have perfected this new rule yet, but its a start.

    Good luck with your new book. Let me know how it is. We can always use a fresh perspective!

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