I’ve spent much of the last week feeling guilty for not writing on top of everything else.  I came down with some ailment yesterday.  Caleb is having a hard day because I know he senses all the stress in me.  We have basically lost our only source of income at the worst possible time of the year, with the holidays around the corner.  And the worst possible time, due to the state of the economy right now.  It isn’t in stone yet, but not far from it.  I honestly kind of think they are trying to make Scott quit.  Which I suppose is the thanks he gets for carrying his boss’s business by himself 2+ years out of the last three.  Cheers.  I’ll drink to that.

I suppose I’m just excusing myself for a couple days trying to get my thoughts in order and get well.  I’m by no means gone, and reachable by email…just need a few days to figure out where Christmas is going to come from….or our rent.

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No I haven’t fallen in [another] hole.  I seem to be getting myself in trouble with that lately.  This morning I went to have a prescription filled.  The drug store did not have the second item I was looking for, so I thought I would drop by my sister inlaw’s to pick up Caleb’s jacket we left last night and then run to Kmart.  I sat down for “just a minute” to do some gossipping and ended up staying over an hour.  Of course the husband started wondering what in the world had happened.  Oops.

I don’t have any story of where I’ve been the last several days, other than just unmotivated to write.  I hate going through spells like that.  We’re still experiencing a lot of uncertainty with Scott’s job and it puts quite the damper on things.  Anyway…

Caleb found this bug outside crawling on the railing and named him the “Halloween Bug.”  He really does look like he has a face on his back.  I never could figure out what he is called.  We did determine that he can fly.  A few seconds after this picture, he sort of raised his head up, wiggled back and forth like he might jump, and then launched into the air.  Being right up in his face looking through a camera lens not knowing he could fly, this came as quite a surprise.

Last night we headed over to the park, conveniently located right next door to my sister & mother inlaw’s.  We met a friend there and ended up ordering pizza and having a picnic at the park, including the next door neighbor’s little girl who happened to be playing, accompanied by her babysitter.

Taylor was at Caleb’s 2nd birthday party.  She sure is a cutie!

Laughing at Daddy kicking the ball way up in the air

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About a week ago, we got a can of Dust Off to clean the inside of our computer out.  Of course I had to back up all of the pictures on the external hard drives first.  Yes I did say hard drives, plural, because I ran out of space on the first one.  The problem is, I have taken 16GB of pictures since then.  My current camera is only 8MP, the next camera I want is 21MP.  You can see where this could become a very big issue very fast.  I need to back everything up on disks, but it is one of those projects towering in front of me that I just try to ignore and go find something else to do.  Like take pictures.

Just before he made a wish and spit on it blew on it

Nothing is cuter, and more peaceful (and quiet!) than a sleeping child

Wearing a Build-A-Bear scarf

This little girl at the park last night was so friendly and cute!  She wanted to hug.  A lot!  She kept calling Caleb “Bah-BE” (she was just starting to talk) and he’d say, “No I’m a big boy, I know how to use the potty!”

There is something about climbing UP a slide, then coming back down on your belly that just makes it more fun.

The little girl’s mom kept putting her hands out as Caleb climbed up the spiral slide, it was making her so nervous.  I am over protective, I admit it freely, but I was sitting off to the side giggling to myself about what that mom has in store.  I know boys are more rough and tumble, but I bet her little one will run up a slide a time or two in a few years.

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Rewind.

Saturday, April 2, 2005 - We are all packed up to leave the hospital.  Three bouquets of flowers, one stuffed dog, one balloon and a partridge and a pear tree.  Oh yeah, and a new baby.  We came as two, we left as three.  It is one of the most surreal moments of your life.  We introduced Caleb to his new carseat, and he expressed, very loudly I might add, that he was not pleased.  My best friend was standing there holding two flower vases and the nurse asked the question.  “Do you want a pacifier?”

Since I knew everything already, because I had read What to Expect When Expecting and the first several chapters of What to Expect the First Year, I declined the paci, citing my reasons straight out of my readings like a preprogrammed response.  “No thanks, I don’t want to cause any confusion with breastfeeding, I’m sure he’ll use his fingers to suck on if he needs something.”

My friend piped up, I can still hear her say it.  “MIGHT I suggest the paci?!  Because you can take it away.”  Whereas a thumb you cannot take away.

“Good point,” I said, and with that, it began.  The nurse handed me this big goofy looking clear, one piece rubbery pacifier.  We plugged it in and our ears thanked us.  Off we went to start our life as parents.

Exhibit A - 4.18.2005 1:09pm
(Note: Gotta say it, chest clip should be at his armpits, as it is a precrash positioning device for the harness straps and is designed to break open in a crash.  In other words, MRS. SPEARS, it will not hold your child in his seat!!!)

Exhibit B - 4.18.05 1:10pm

Fastforward.

Sunday, September 28, 2008 - Caleb’s lips have been extremely chapped the last couple weeks.  I don’t know if it is the weather flip-flopping around.  I thought it was the new toothpaste I had bought, so I bought something else, but it didn’t seem to solve the problem.  I’ve been careful to limit things that might have salt on them (like some crackers or chips that have salty dust on them) because it seems to irritate his lips even more.  The Burt’s Bees chapstick works, but he doesn’t like it anymore because it feels tingly and stings a little bit if you lips are very chapped.  So I’ve been using regular old Chapstick, which I’m not a fan of.  Bad grammar, anyway.  I noticed his paci seemed to escalate the problem also, as some nights I think he hangs on to it all night long.  He has depended on it to go to sleep every night of his life between April 2, 2005 and now.  I asked him if he was ready to be a big boy and throw away his pacis.  He was very adverse to throwing them away.  Want to know why?  Because someone else could use them!  There might be a baby somewhere that didn’t have one, and he wanted to give his old ones to the baby.  (He cited baby Levi several times, the newest July addition to our family that we met last month.)  That is going to be a blessed baby.

So for the first time in three and a half years, we are officially no longer using a paci.  To me, it seems almost more significant that potty training.  It was basically the one last tie to babyhood.  And I didn’t mind it.  He has only used it at naptime and night time for over a year and a half now.  I keep feeling like I’m forgetting something when I go to put him down.  I am proud to say, he has done excellent with the transition, given the history.  Just last week, he had a breakdown one morning because he couldn’t find it in his bed and we weren’t getting there to help fast enough.  I had to fight him down for a nap on Sunday, but he eventually went to sleep after an hour.  Sunday night, I layed in bed with him.  At naptime yesterday, there was no mention of it.  And last night, he only asked one time.  Now he has no excuse left not to talk my ear off though.  At night, even more so than during the day, believe it or not, he turns into what I like to call “Chatty Caleb.”

“Mommy?”

“Huh?”

“Can I tell you just one more thing?”

“You already told me one more thing.”

“Oh.  <pause> Well can I tell you just one more thing?  Again.”

“What is it Caleb?”

<insert completely random out of the blue fact here, usually something related to cars or monster trucks>

“Oookay bud, it is time to lay down and be very still and very quiet and close your eyes okay?”

*thump on pillow* Siiiiiigh.

37 seconds pass…

“Moooom?”

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Do you remember the surprise we told you about?  “Oh no.  No”

Remember we told you the other day that we were working on a surprise?  We have it now! “Oh?  Oh!  Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

*gasp of breath*

It’s a Herbie RC!  Scott painted it!

I think he likes it.

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You’ve been seeing a lot of pictures lately.  And I’ve been taking a lot.  And feeling about a million miles away.  With writer’s block.  Weird.  Sometimes in stressful situations, I can write and it helps.  Other times, I can’t think of anything to say to save my life.  Or at least I can’t put it down ‘on paper.’  So apparently I just take pictures instead.  You ever have a period of time where the days fly by and at the end of each one, you think, what did I actually accomplish today?  The hours are gone, but you feel like you’re in the same place you started that morning.  And you get up and do it again the next day.

My mother inlaw has been having a lot of health problems lately.  Quite frankly, she gave us all quite a scare.  The doctors determined her heart strength to be significantly lower than it should be.  It was one of those things where, she  felt a little worse gradually, then that became normal, then a little more winded, and then that became normal, until suddenly normal was really a struggle.  Thankfully a defibulator/pacemaker seems to have her feeling a little better, other than recovering strength from the ordeal in the past several weeks, which involved several hospital stays.  The rather ironic part is, two days before a catheterization to determine if there was any type of blockage, she was going down the slide with Caleb at the park next to her house!  I’ll do her the favor of sparing the photographic proof of her deciding 3/4ths of the way down that it might not have been such a wise idea, but she did make it to the bottom with a big smile.

Then there’s the job.  You know, that ugly thing that provides ever cent we need to survive?  Well it has been a battle zone recently.  Uncertainty.  Stress.  Disrespect.  Stress.  Did I mention stress?  You probably don’t want to know the grizzly details.  I’ve been doing everything I can think of to conserve money, spend wisely.  Hopefully this will blow over.  Truly a reminder of nothing is guaranteed, even if you moved into a house that was on the high end of your budget on that premises.

Discovering an empty pool.  A face sad enough to almost put 5000 gallons back in there.

“Picking berries” which he says will grow into a beanstalk that will reach the sky

Caleb received a VW bug from his Auntie, so I once again set about the task of transforming it into Herbie.  This one started off red, so I was forced to add a white base coat this time.  I allowed plenty of dry time (a mistake I made last time because the paint smudged almost immediately), and worked over about a two week period.  Adding three coats of white, then each stripe and the I drew on the 53’s with a paint pen (looked like I had the DTs or something, surprisingly my hand was more steady with the paint brush, go figure), and lastly added the sunroof, bumpers and tail lights.  He was thrilled yesterday morning.  Then he dropped Herbie last night at Walmart and a big chip of paint flaked off!  How disappointing.  He was crushed too.  He just got silent and almost started crying.  It was pitiful.  But we assured him that Herbie could be fixed.  I think I’ll try some clear coat spray over him in hopes that it will give the paint some stability after all my hard work.

He started off red.  Now he is Herbie.  The kid is thrilled.

~ Taken Today ~

I see you.  I hear you.  I just do not intend on looking at you.

The difference between kids and adults: we actually mind laying in the sand, whereas kids, not so much.

Raining today.  We played on the screen porch for a few hours.  Pretty chilly, had to break out the long sleeves.  Listening to the rain was relaxing.

I’ve found solace in my photography.  I sat down one night last week.  Made my rounds online.  No new emails, blog entries, not much going on with the mommy board I frequent.  I sat here staring at the screen.  Scott was already asleep.  Don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I looked up the RAW picture files from the one decent snowfall we had last winter.  I spent the next hour tinkering with them in Adobe Lightroom.  For that hour, I forgot about everything going on.  I got lost in the calm, quiet snow of the pictures below.  I remember that day, it was so quiet you could almost hear the snow fall.  The middle picture is still my favorite.  Especially since it used to be my backyard.

We are heading off on an adventure tomorrow.  An adventure brought about by Caleb’s three year well checkup at the pediatrician.  Yes he’s three and a half.  Shutup.  At least I can say it is our first time going since his two year well visit a year and a half ago!!  So that counts for something.  That plus I can use the -we were moving- excuse.  We were looking at houses right around his birthday, and moving at the end of April.  Then the summer skipped on by and here we are.  It is strange though.  Last time we were there, he wasn’t even talking.  And now he’s up to 100,000+ words per day.

After the pediatrician, we are headed to the children’s museum, always a favorite.  I’m packing lunch and snacks to take along to save some of that green stuff.  In fact, my goal is for tomorrow to be completely free.  With the exception of $4/gallon gas of course.  I have selected a cool castle event venue in hopes of getting some neat pictures tomorrow.  Clothes are laid out, lunches are packed, camera is stowed, plus undies, extra clothes, a small trash bag, napkins, a toilet and a maybe kitchen sink in there somewhere.  Feels like you’re going camping for a week when you leave home with kids on a day trip.  I must say, I’m looking forward to the opportunity to spend the day away tomorrow.  Clear my head.  I sure hope the weather is nice.  The house was just dim all day today and it rained today, and I just wanted to go back to bed.  All. day. long.  Tomorrow will be a good day.  If I can just stop my head from calculating how much every 1000 feet costs to drive (I stay home.  A LOT.).

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned the hard way that some poems don’t rhyme and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, and taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.” - Gilda Radner

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…we stop trying to outdo each other and work together?

“Yes! YES! They do have too much time on their hands!!”

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It makes me feel like I can do anything!

I’m talking about baking soda people.  Jeez, where is your mind today?

Seriously, the uses for regular old baking soda never cease to amaze me!  I’ve been on a cleaning spree here lately, and the badly neglected microwave fell victim today.  I poured a small clump of baking soda in a bowl with a little bit of warm water.  Microwave for a minute, let some steam build up in there, and stuff was just wiping right off.  Amazing.

Until I looked at the neighboring toaster oven.  Can I just say, “Ew.”  It is so bad that food doesn’t even taste right coming out of there.  You open the door and the smell of ‘burnt’ just hits you in the face.  Burned what, I don’t know.  Just burned.  I scrubbed and wiped everything down, trying to avoid using chemicals.  I put everything back, but it just still wreaked.  I couldn’t see anything else in there, it looked clean.  It just didn’t smell clean. Now if you’re like me, you have that cute little box of baking soda in the back of the fridge.  It has been there for over a year (hey, did you know you’re supposed to change it every month?).  “They” say it helps absorb odors, but you have no idea whether it actually works.  Maybe you just remember your mom doing it.

So I was a bit skeptical that my microwave application might have the same wondrous effect in the toaster oven.  After all, the microwave didn’t smell this bad.  But I decided to give it a try.  I covered the tray in foil (I always do this anyway, so I don’t have to scrub all the baked on stuff) and dumped some baking soda and water on there and popped it in to bake.  I turned the oven up to 450 for 5-10 minutes.  When I returned, it had created a big ball of gas that erupted into flames and the paint was melting off the walls!

Nah, just kiddin :)  I balled up a hot cloth (so as not to crack the glass!) and wiped off the door, which now looks significantly better.  But I was amazed to find, the smell was gone.  No hint, no remnants, nothing.  Once I replaced the foil cover, I was all done!

So there’s my cleaning tip for the week.  I see you over there shaking your head.  Yep, you’re toaster is gross too isn’t it?  What’s that?  Don’t even look inside the microwave?  Your secret’s safe with me.

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Okay, I totally am, but anyway. I’ve now been cutting Caleb’s hair for a year myself. It takes me a while, and makes me nervous, but I feel like I’ve gotten reasonably decent at it. Haircuts were such an embarrassing nightmare, so one day last year I said, “Do you want to go somewhere for a haircut, or do you want Mommy to do it?” I ask him every time, and every time he picks me. He sits still better (although still not great) if I ask him first. I give him a the choice already knowing his answer. Saved a few bucks too, which certainly doesn’t hurt my feelings!

Plus no hairdresser seems to comprehend when you say “leave it a little shaggy”  Apparently it must go against some oath they take.

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Every now and then, I like to give hubby a weekend project to keep him on his toes. Nah, I’m just kidding, but my little Saturday morning project turned into an enormous, time consuming, life sucking, entire weekend project. It all started out as a table for the aquaplay set to cut down on the mess. He was soaked and had to be bathed after playing the first night. I couldn’t see us having to give him a bath every time he played with it. So I suggested we use an old kitchen table in the storage building and cut the legs off. After getting a better visual of the size (which was much smaller than I remembered), we decided it needed a piece of plywood on top… Then that the plywood should be cut to the layout of the canal system. After hacking the legs off the old kitchen table, we decided it wasn’t really usable after all! So that will now be our outdoor art table for the super messy stuff (as well as a good place to do sensory play when we get into homeschooling).

Gotta love this guy, he’s so patient with my hairbrained ideas!

Oh well, at least he had help right? (See the shortened table with the legs laying underneath?!)

The handymen at work (I just realized, despite looking pretty lifelike, that is indeed a KIDS Craftsman saw in his hand! Just as an FYI!)

8000 screws later

Oh why must we overdo everything. It weighs approximately 9000 pounds, but at least it is functional

Here’s what I accomplished. Yay me. Luckily I had hubby to remind me of my ABC’s. No kidding…I was standing off to the side where I couldn’t see the letters on the opposite side of the box, basically where this picture was taken from (between the I and the O in the picture). I asked him what letter I was on, as I flipped through the remaining foam pieces. “L” he replied, “so you need M next.” Thanks dear.

If you’re smirking to yourself thinking, ‘what the heck is she gonna do with that hunk of wood in the winter?’ I’ve got that covered too! We painted the top green (and will paint the bottom structure and legs brown). When cold weather arrives and the Aquaplay can’t be left outside, I’ll take it off and paint a road system on the table with parking lots and buildings and stuff! I love doing stuff like that anyway.

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