a one liner can ruin your whole day

Apr 17

Posted by: Scott in: blog, me myself and i, ramblings, rants, who wants to read this?

“I just know that life will be better in your new house!!!!!”

That is directly copied and pasted from an email in response to pictures of the new house that I sent to my mother. By some cruel twist of fate, I got an extra helping of “seeks approval of others” when God built me. Why, I don’t know. I wish I could turn it off and not care. Unfortunately, it isn’t that simple. So alas, I emailed her pictures, hoping, just hoping that maybe she could muster a “looks nice, I’m happy for you.” Is it that hard?? If it is, then LIE.

Why do I set myself up for this? I suppose I should be mad at myself too. I just keep hoping that one day she will seem happy for me. Seem proud of me. Seem to accept me for me. I must be delusional.

What the hell is wrong with my life now that will improve so much when I move? I mean really. Maybe it is the racecar shop next door. Your grandson really hates that.

This view has really been hard to take over the last two years.

Caleb hates having a swing with 20 foot ropes tied to the tree looking out over a pond.

(I just realized I ought to explain…the actual swing is not there because I’m anal.  That tree drops a lot of mess, so I keep his swing on the back porch and just attach it to the ropes when he swings and put it up when we’re done.  I know.  I’m ridiculous.)

Maybe the yard is too small? And that’s just the side yard.

Perhaps it those awful horses grazing in the field on the other side of the pond. Who would want to look at that every day?

There was that one Christmas…

…when we just had to make do. Yeah.

Don’t get me started on winter

It was almost more than I could take.

I thought for sure God had completely forgotten about us.

And this just assured me of it. No I didn’t rip this picture off of one of those inspirational emails about the grace of God. This really is my backyard.

I know, it is a lot to put up with.

Yep it has been a tough life here. Hey, remember that time you asked me if I had any rat poison in the kitchen that your dog could get into? Yeah that was really funny. What made it even funnier was that Caleb was one and a half and in to everything. I was so astounded, I don’t think I’ll ever forget that one. I don’t live in a half million dollar house. And that’s okay. I don’t go play Drunko, I mean Bunko. And I don’t care to. I don’t belong to the local wine tasters. And I don’t want to. I don’t have to live by some neighborhood association guidelines, nobody comes by with a measuring stick when my grass doesn’t get cut every week. And I like it that way. I’m sure I’ll get over all this in a few days, but for today, I don’t want to talk. You’ve called five times now, and I just don’t have the strength to deal with it right now. I hope and pray that I never do to Caleb what you do to me. You say you forgave your mother (the pot calling the kettle black), I hope that one day I can forgive you.

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